Tuesday, April 28, 2009


(click to enlarge)


Last night, in the late hours of the night I was surfing through the film channels and came across Lindsey Lohan's flick I Know Who Killed Me. Settling on this channel I knew it was going to be a bad movie. But after 5 minutes of watching, I realized it was actually really, really, bad.

I decided to watch the rest of it just to see how bad it got. I'm happy I did, because I can save some of you from the same fate of watching this atrocious picture. Unfortunately, this movie is 2 years old. Some of you may have already suffered through it. But this review is purely so I can give out my first F film rating, and make fun of it like the kid in gym class who can't throw a dodgeball.

You would be better off spending 1 hour and 45 minutes listening to Kathy Griffin stand up comedy, or even her singing lullabies.

The premise of the stupid film is that a young girl (Lohan) is abducted and tortured by a serial killer. Somehow she miraculously escapes, but when she wakes up in the hospital she is not the same girl. She believes she is another girl, and has a hard time convincing every one she is not the missing girl they are looking for. The plot unfolds (not true) as we find out the answer to this unraveling (ok that is not true either) mystery.

You would be better off spending 1 hour and 45 minutes trying to convince Hitler that Jews were his friends.

I don't even care about telling the end of this retarded movie; hopefully it will prevent you from seeing it. Lohan turns out to be telling the truth, she is not the missing girl. She is actually the twin sister, THAT HAS BEEN SEPARATED AT BIRTH! As M. Night Shyamalan would say, "What a twist." So Lohan goes on the case to find...Lohan who is still with the killer.

What is it with Lindsey Lohan playing two versions of herself (Parent Trap)?? One of her isn't even good, and we have to deal with two of them??

You would be better off spending 1 hour and 45 minutes listening to Al Gore talk about anything...even global warming or how he "invented" the internet.

Well this movie is so terrible that none of you should see it. Unless you need to induce vomiting for some reason. Or maybe you have a terrorist tied up in your basement, forget water boring torture, pop in I Know Who Killed Me, six times.

Everyone thinks that Lindsey Lohan destroyed her career with too many drugs and partying. EEEEHHHHH. It's movies like this, and Just My Luck...oh yeah and Herbie Fully Loaded.

I wonder if Lindsey even reads scripts before she acts in movies. I'm guessing she sees the the dollars on the paycheck and instantly converts that into pounds of Cocaine...or packs of Parliment Lights.

Ok, Ok, so last one here. I would willingly let Michael Jackson put a chloroform rag over my face at The Neverland Ranch before I would ever watch this movie again. Wow, it is that bad.


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