Wednesday, June 10, 2009


On May 31st the world of MTV spoke. At the annual MTV Movie Awards ceremony viewers got to see the staged event of Sacha Baron Cohen dressed as his next moronic character Bruno, descending from the rafters of the Gibson Amphitheater dropping his bare ass right into Eminem's face. Pretty bold from Eminem in my opinion, his musical performance later on was definitely the highlight of the night.

See that performance HERE.

Not only did we get to see that outrageous moment, but we got to see the result of millions and millions of teen girls and apparently the dumbest movie fans across America pick the winners in all the movie categories.

The results of the Award Ceremony show that watching MTV causes people to be less intelligent. Shows like The Hills, The City, Date My Mom, My Super Sweet 16, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, and College Life are all examples of terrible programming that the halfwits in our country watch.

The MTV viewing audience got to vote for the winners in all their prestigious movie categories...forgive me while I laugh, hahaha. First fans were allowed to vote in the nominees for each category, and then allowed to pick the winners. They results were astounding, like Pearl Harbor.

First on the block is the most obvious. The anger boils the most with this one.

2009 Best Movie Winner: Twilight!

Twilight! Twilight! Twilight was one of the weakest vampire movies ever made! One of the poorest acted films I've seen in sometime, not to mention a hundred other things wrong with that project. I know every girl under 16 in our country is voting more than once, as shown by High School Musical 3 also being nominated for Best Movie. But I was just hoping The Dark Knight's legen...wait for it...dary status was enough for a fan vote to bring the truth about the Best Movie of 2009.

2009 Best Female and Male Lead Roles: Kristen Stewart / Zac Effron

Ha! This must be a joke. I thought the categories were Best Lead; not Best Lead to act terribly and weird around a pale and weirder looking vampire boy / Cutest Lead.

At least Kristen Stewart was looking smoking fine at the award ceremony.

2009 Best Breakthrough Performance: Robert Pattinson

This one is even funnier. Pattinson was just as terrible in Twilight as his days of Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter 4. Do young girls not even pay attention to anything else besides the words in a movie and the pale face delivering it? Answer: No. (Your scent, it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of this quote twice more to induce vomiting)

(if you don't count: like a dousche bag)

2009 Best Fight Winner: Guess who...Twilight.

This won over The Battle for Gotham. So pretty much, The Joker vs. Batman....Twilight wins? All I have to say is that vampire fight at the end of Twilight was a disappointing ending and can't even compare to the Underworld franchise vampire fights.

This is what the Mash calls a rant, but it is a clearly justified one. Twilight sucked. And it won a lot of awards not named:
Worst Acting by a Cast in a Movie
Most Re-watched Movie by Every 20 and Under Female in America
Reasons Robert Pattinson Sucks.

This just proves the MTV Movie Awards are about as significant award ceremony as the Grammys, or the Dundies from The Office.


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