Tuesday, December 8, 2009



In these hard economic times movie goers have to pick the movies they go see very carefully to prevent wasting hard earned money on garbage cinema. Thankfully when I went to see a showing of Armored it was free, saving me the price of admission (thanks my new friend, Alessandra). Being saved from the horror of paying for this film I am going to return the favor by saving you an admission fee by telling you NOT to go and see Armored.

This film is about a group of security employees (played by fading stars Matt Dillion, Jean Reno, and Laurence Fishburne) that transport bank money with armored trucks. They decide to formulate a plan to steal $42 million dollars from a bank as they transport the money from point A to point B. This genius plan (it really is far from that) of course fails as the previews for this film foolishly spoil the plot even before you sit down to see the movie. As the plan goes awry one member of the crew has a change of heart and all the members are pitted against Ty Hackett, played by Columbus Short. Blah, blah, blah to the predictable conclusion, roll the credits to show all the people responsible for this crappy cookie cutter action/drama movie.

The acting and direction are both above average but nothing really stunning to even make the audience remember anything of importance while walking out of the theater moving their heads right to left representing disgust in what they just saw. Columbus Short did a good job as the feature and only character the script tried to give some depth (thank God, it made the movie shorter). All the other characters were just bland faces in the team trying to steal the money. Armored also stars (?) Milo Ventimiglia from the television show Heroes. He plays a snooping police officer who discovers the plot to steal the $42 million dollars.

The script pulled this project down like Devin Hester's pants. It was predictable to the point you just wanted the story to progress further to the next expected event. Once the story got there it was not even satisfying. Predictable and not satisfying equals the recipe for disaster. The lead character Ty was the only character I was drawn towards and that gravitation was mild. All other characters are skipped as the story focuses on a plot that pretends to have action but is basically drawn out drama.

There was a nice plot twist at the end but the writers made the suspense last like Maginot Line the French built to stop the Nazis in WWII.  The ending was not only stupid, but almost felt too stupid to even care. To cap off the bad feeling brought by the already poorly written ending is some dialogue that puts this successful failure (it's a D+ rating) into summary. More on that later.

Overall, this movie was not good or even a very interesting story to start out with. The action is lacking, the drama is lacking, my overall interest was lacking. I honestly do not suggest anyone see this movie in the theaters. If you can wait two years it will be in the $2.50 movie bin at Wal*Mart though I do not recommend buying Armored either. If you decide to deny my recommendation, you better check out Armored soon. It had a horrible opening weekend making only $6.5 million dollars; it will not be in theaters long.


The ending was terrible and I want to talk about it. If you don't care to see this movie and want to know how horrible the ending was...read on.

At the end Ty is left to face off against the lead antagonist  Mike played by Matt Dillon. Ty tries to escape on foot and Mike chases him down with one of the armored trucks. The drama of the scene is dragged on forever as the bulky truck gets nearer and nearer to Ty because he runs directly in front of it. This "suspense" is so annoying considering that Ty has the ability to make pin point turns; the truck could not even do so within the realm of Grand Theft Auto.

Think about it, take a hard right out of the trucks way (let's say 5 feet left or right) and start running in the opposite direction. The truck is screwed. Good luck catching Ty when you have to stop and shift into reverse and turn around. Instead Ty chooses to keep running straight and slide heroically out of the way as Mike tries to ram him with the truck but the looses control and crashes (LAME!).

The ending dialogue is what really makes the story horrible. After Ty "finishes" the bad guys he goes to the hospital with the authorities because the snooping police officer needs medical attention after being shot. In the heat of the story Ty saves the cop from being killed by pulling him to safety and nursing his wound. In the end at the hospital Ty's boss tells him, "Mr. police officer told us everything you did and how you saved him, there might even be a reward in it for you." Wait a second?! A reward? Ty did save the cops life. But he attempted grand larceny and only changed his mind once everything started to go wrong, not because he had good morals. So the authorities are willing to wipe away grand larceny, his role in the attempted theft of $42 million dollars, for saving the cop? Not only that, but a reward is in order! So over the top-STUPID for a movie set in reality.

Seen the movie? Any thoughts?


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