Monday, August 17, 2009



I was forced to go see a showing of this movie by Mr. Kyle Goodson. The showing was only 5 dollars to see, so I decided I would give it a chance. I highly suggest that anyone reading this does not do the same. I am not entirely sure this movie is still in theaters because of how bad it is and how horrible it did at the box office. Just make sure you don't waste money on this crappy excuse for a horror movie.

The Collector begins as a married couple stumbles home from a night on the town only to find they are not alone in their house, The Collector is also there. The setting switches to day and follows a creepy locksmith named Arkin (Josh Stewart) as he installs security measures for one of his clients mansion home. After Arkin finishes his work, he meets up with his own family only to find the money his wife owes some very bad people is due by midnight tonight.

The plot twists (for lack of a better word) as we learn that Arkin is actually setting up the security so he can break through its defenses and steal from the rich family. Well now that his wife needs the money now, he decides he has to break in tonight as opposed to later like he planned. So now Arkin is back at the house 4 hours after he left from putting up the security, and it appears the house is empty. But is it??Mostly because I don't care to tell anything or everything about this movie to prevent people from seeing it, this section will be riddled with spoiler like sentences. If you are defiant enough to want to see it on your own, stop reading. If you want to save money and see how bad this film gets...keep going.

Back to Arkin. Well it turns out his creepiness is just a deception because as he breaks into the home he hears someone else moving around. In an effort to hide himself he runs to another room. This is where Arkin discovers the house is rigged with many different death traps. And I mean over this entire house, elaborate death traps and devices (minus the acid goo). And all of these were set up in a time frame no more than 5 hours, completely believable I tell ya.

It is almost like Kevin McCallister from Home Alone grew up to be some kind of disturbed sicko who calls himself The Collector and sets up traps to murder people and not to simply keep The Wet/Sticky Bandits from ruining Christmas.

In the home there are wires going across doorways that trigger elaborate cutting devices and killing machines, a room full of bear traps, a room full of acid goo that destroys everything it touches but doesn't seem to eat through the floor. The worst by far is when Arkin tries to fit his hand through a window that is retrofitted with a device to cut off his fingers. This part is so unbelievably disgusting because the camera gets up and close to this act, but it literally flashes between Arkin's face and his hand getting severed off by force 8 times before the director thinks the audience actually gets the point (or is disgusted and looking away).

After remarkably getting his hand out Arkin hears a rumble in the closet. He opens the door to find a large suitcase making the noise and reluctantly decides to open it up. Well its the guy from the opening scene of the movie who was collected early on!

This guys proceeds to tell Arkin this freak in a mask collects humans, but kills everyone else he doesn't see as worth collecting. Funny thing would this guy know any of this?? This Collector guy doesn't even mumble a word the whole movie, and this collected guy knows whats up? Does The Collector take his mask off during the day and drink coffee with his collected victims while explaining to them his entire operation? Did the guy Google masked freaks and come up with the information? Does the movie explain this phenomena? Ha!! Haven't you been reading?? This movie SUCKS!
Arkin tries to find a way out of this house of horrors and finds his way to the basement while carefully avoiding the masked Collector. Down there he finds the wife and husband as they are already tied up and being tortured. Arkin talks to the mother and learns the young daughter is still hiding in the house, and he sets off to find her.

Next is the film's feeble but successful attempt to get some boobs in the movie. The teenage daughter played by the lovely Madeline Zima comes to the supposedly empty house with her boyfriend. Of course they begin the love making process....boobs...and then boom the killer pops in and ruins all the fun.

The boyfriend gets jacked by the room full of bear traps, which I must admit was kind of cool.

This film has a load of intense but over the top sequences featuring Arkin battling the masked man trying to save himself and the little girl.

Worst part of the movie comes during the closing scene. Arkin escapes with the girl to the police, but the killer was not found. On his ride to the hospital the ambulance is all the sudden knocked flat on its side. The doors are opened, and it's The Collector coming to collect Arkin. By the killer winning in the end I sat and wondered why in hell the writers even brought in Arkin's wife and daughter?? It changes his motive to get into the house, but in the end he fails, and that storyline seem poorly thought out.

Surprisingly the van that The Collector knocks the ambulance over with and then loads Arkin into is free of any damage from the 60 mile hour collision it just endured.

I know! The Collector is a wizard, and he produced a protective charm on his muggle van (Harry Potter!).

Overall, The Collector is a terrible terrible movie. It has some intense sequences with some truly disgusting scenes to watch. And I mean absolutely repulsive to the point you have to look away (the cutting of the fingers is one, Arkin trying to rip his skin out of fish hooks is another). This film doesn't use gore to help the story or make the killer more terrifying, but only to make viewers squeamish and want to turn away. Like I said this movie was intense during many parts, but it was hardly scary at all.

It wasn't very scary, it was too gross to watch, and they did not explain any elements of the killer or what was going on in the story. Questions arise like:

So how did this Collector set up all these death devices all over the house in a matter of hours?? Why did The Collector chose this family to torment, but never collect any of the members and only Arkin? How does The Collector chose who is going after next? Why is he so deranged? WHY WOULD ANY STUDIO GIVE THE GREEN LIGHT FOR THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SCRIPT?

The biggest flaw in this film is it is told from the wrong point of view, which is Arkin's. It should have been told from the killers so the audience could have a sense for what the hell was going on and maybe get a feel for the killers motives. I have been told many times I over think movies too often, but even that being the case these filmmakers didn't think at all. Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton should be casually pushed into traffic for making this debacle piece of cinema.
This movie sucks, don't ever waste your time.


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