Friday, September 18, 2009
AS BAD AS BRUNO?
Kate Beckinsale tries to make a splash as a federal marshal investigating multiple murders at the South Pole. What she doesn't realize is the temperatures in the Antartic landscape are below -50 C and the water is frozen causing her to slam into solid ice. This movie sucked to say the least, and even if you don't want to read the rest of this review just know that this movie is never ever worth your time. Even if someone questions, "Hey want a $100 bucks to watch Whiteout?", run the other way! I'll probably spoil some elements of Whiteout if you keep reading...heed that notion.
Ms. Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a troubled U.S. Marshal with a difficult past as an agent in the field. She decides to take a cake-walk job playing enforcement to the scientists and their teams of researchers on the Antarctic shelf . The job gets more difficult as she discovers a murdered fella way out in the middle of the freezing tundra and from there the murder mystery takes off (by take off I mean it gets off the ground but crashes at the end of the runway).
Most of the characters in this movie made such terrible decisions you would think that Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan were governing their actions. If you saw the movie, you would concur.
The acting was decent. It was good at times and less than that at others. The only time Kate moved me with her acting was a scene when she had to have two of her fingers removed from the result of frostbite. Poor Selene...I mean Carrie.
As I mentioned above the action was not only terrible but it occurred far too often for how uninteresting it was to watch. A murderer chasing Kate around with pick axe when she is a trained federal marshal with fully loaded hand gun in her coat leaves viewers screaming in their heads, "Pull out your gun! YOU HAVE A GUN!"
Besides Kate Beckinsale's decent acting she was by far the worst portrayal of a cop I have ever seen on screen. Even Arrested Development's "Hot Cops" seen below is a better representation of someone wearing a badge, and they were strippers! Let me elaborate.
A part of the movie I found funny is when her confidant Robert is telling her that she is wasting her skills as an officer down at this Antartic post. He states, "You're better than this, and you know it." After watching her walk about as the worst cop ever I laughed when he said that. I thought to myself, "She is lucky this is the first murder case she is investigating at the South Pole because if she did this on a weekly basis she'd be dead tomorrow when she storms a suspects house with nothing but good intentions."
To top it all off this movie had one of the worst endings to a movie since Jack goes and dies in the freezing cold Atlantic. Dammit Rose, why did you have to hog the floating piece of wood? (Titanic is the bomb!) While I am kidding, Whiteout does feature and ending that will truly disappoint anyone still sitting there long enough to get to the end.
In fairness, the best line of the movie is when this old man John is boarding a plane and asks the young pilot if he knows how to fly this thing. The pilot responds, "Try not to have a heart attack on my plane junior." Yay Whiteout!
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